Written by: Isabel Novicio (with the help of San Beda College Alabang School of Law - Human Rights Center)
Graphic Design by: Suzette Mamangun
Trigger Warning: This article will include topics surrounding sexual violence, emotional trauma, drug and alcohol abuse and self-harm. Please read at your own discretion.
“The journey will be longer than you imagined, trauma will find you again and again. Do not become the ones who hurt you. Stay tender with your power. Never fight to injure, fight to uplift. Fight because you know that in this life, you deserve safety, joy, and freedom. Fight because it is your life. Not anyone else’s.”
This is a direct quote from Chanel Miller’s Memoir entitled, ‘Know My Name’, in which she talks about the brutal and simultaneously uplifting process of coming forward to reveal her identity as the ‘Jane Doe’ of the controversial 'People V. Brock Turner' rape case. It was in 2019, three years after Brock Turner’s trial took place in 2016, when Miller finally identified herself as Jane Doe and spoke her truth to power. For some survivors, this journey to reclaiming themselves takes longer. Some choose not to tell their stories at all. As Miller said, healing from the trauma of sexual violence does not take a singular nor linear form. And it is within every victim-survivor's rights to choose what steps they need to take to recover, when they will take them, and whom they will ask for support. Below is a list of some experiences that sexual assault survivors have experienced in their journey to recovery and justice. They are not so much recommended instructions so much as guides--reminders that others have trod this path before, and that coming to terms with your past and feeling secure in yourself is possible.
1. Acknowledging and Freeing Myself From Guilt
Guilt. Denial. Shame. These are just some of the various feelings that victim-survivors may feel after a traumatic experience. According to the Rape, Abuse & Incest National Network, the aftermath of surviving sexual violence may have both psychological and physical effects on the survivor. Some of these effects may include, but are not limited to: post-traumatic stress disorder, flashbacks, disorders, depression and anxiety. Because of these side effects, a survivor may have the tendency to feel as if they are ‘damaged’ or ‘unworthy’. Recovery is not a fast-tracked journey. That being said, the first step towards a healthy recovery is acceptance. It is always important to remember that you, as a survivor, should never feel as if you are to blame.
There is no excuse for someone to commit such a heinous crime. This was not your fault.
2. Starting On the Road to Acceptance
Admitting that you need help and care is one of the largest forms of bravery. Another is understanding that all the available help and care cannot fast-track your healing process. It will take time and daily decision-making before you start to see and feel your progress. Some victim-survivors will take immediate legal or psychological courses of action as a form of guidance for their mental health, while others aren’t necessarily as open. There is no right or wrong way to heal, feel, and respond to trauma. Highs and lows are a part of the process. On some days, you may feel ecstatic and free while on other days you may start to question yourself. Allow yourself to feel every possible emotion you may have--anger, sadness, confusion and more. Every feeling you may have, whether it be based on a negative or positive outlook, is completely valid.
3. Creating My Own Personal Safe Space
Paranoia, vulnerability, and helplessness are common feelings among victim-survivors. Because some victim-survivors may feel as if their power has been taken away from them, it is helpful to establish a space of comfort and security. Doing this can empower you and aid in guiding you towards inner peace. Avoid using unhealthy coping mechanisms such as self-harm and drug and alcohol abuse, as these methods may be more self-destructive than beneficial. The environment you grow in should be positive and supportive. According to the Saint John’s University, Sexual Assault Survivor's Guide, empowering ways to make your own safe space may be through:
Confiding in a trustworthy family member or friend
Writing or drawing about your feelings, worries and aspirations in a journal
Filing legal courses of action
Talking to a professional psychologist or therapist
Taking ‘mental health time-outs’
Keeping a mood tracker
4. Taking My Time with Sexual Intimacy
Sexual intimacy can be terrifying to engage in after being assaulted. There is no need to rush yourself. Sexual intimacy should be both consensual and comfortable for both parties involved. According to the Saint John’s University, Sexual Assault Survivor's Guide these are some guide questions that may be used before fully engaging in sexual intimacy with your partner:
Is either party under any substance or alcohol abuse?
Is either party of legal age to consent?
Is either party feeling pressured to have sex?
Do both parties feel comfortable?
Do both parties have an established sense of trust with one another?
5. Studying my Sources of Legal Support
According to the Philippine Commission on Women, RA 9262 or the ‘Anti-Violence Against Women and Their Children Act of 2004’ states that:
“The State values the dignity of women and children and guarantees full respect for human rights. The State also recognizes the need to protect the family and its members particularly women and children, from violence and threats to their personal safety and security.”
Under this law, there are several sections that provide victim-survivors with information regarding the process of filing for a protection order. A protection order is a legal document that is issued to the victim-survivor in order to prevent any future violent acts against a woman and/or her child. You may file for a protection order at your local municipal, family or regional courts.
To directly quote Section 9 of RA 9262, it is officially stated that a petition for the issuance for a protection order may be requested and filed by either the:
(a) The victim survivor themself
(b) Parents or legal guardians of the offended party;
(c) Close Relatives;
(d) Social workers or officers from the DSWD or local government units (LGUs);
(e) Police officers;
(f) Punong Barangay (Barangay Leaders);
(g) Lawyer, therapist, counselor, or healthcare provider of the petitioner;
(h) A minimum of two (2) concerned citizens of the city/municipality who have personal knowledge of where the act of violence occurred and the act itself
When applying for a protection order, it must be submitted in writing; the order is to be truthfully verified and signed by the applicant. The various options given above allow the victim-survivor to ask someone they trust to file the report for them, in case they do not feel safe or ready to do it themselves. If the person who is applying for the orders is not the victim themself, the victim-survivor’s personal testimony must also be sent alongside the application verifying the claims of the alleged abuse. The importance behind this law is that it informs the victim-survivor of their rights. This law also guides victim-survivors when filing for a legal case or legal support.
6: Revisiting Society’s Role in Supporting Victim-Survivors
How can we, as a society, contribute in cultivating safe spaces for victim-survivors? We first have to acknowledge that there is a problem to be talked about. Society has normalized sexual assault to the point where ⅙ of men and ⅓ of women are found to have been sexually assaulted. Overall, as long as there is injustice to one, injustice will remain prevalent to all. After the assault has taken place, it is always up to the survivor for what they may want to do next. If they want to speak up about it, it is our job to listen. If they choose to remain private about the situation, respect their privacy. Recovery may take weeks, months and sometimes, even years. At times, trauma may even last a lifetime. Identify the difference between feeling sorry for someone and empathizing with them. A survivor should not be looked down on and be seen as a ‘victim’ instead of a person, as a whole. Lastly, disregarding experiences of sexual violence with phrases such as ‘you asked for it’, “it wasn’t that big of a deal’ and ‘you should have just said no’, are detrimental to both the survivor’s mental and physical wellbeing.
Lastly, it is important to remind survivors that sexual violence does not take away any ounce of your self-worth; it does not make you any less of a person.
References
Miller, C. (2019). Know My Name: A Memoir. Viking, an imprint of Penguin Random House LLC.
Effects of Sexual Violence | RAINN. (n.d.). Retrieved September 06, 2020, from https://www.rainn.org/effects-sexual-violence.
Effects of sexual assault and rape. (n.d.). Joyful Heart Foundation. Retrieved September 07, 2020, from http://www.joyfulheartfoundation.org/learn/sexual-assault-rape/effects-sexual-assault-and-rape
The Effects of Sexual Assault. (2018, October 11). Retrieved September 07, 2020, from https://www.wcsap.org/help/about-sexual-assault/effects-sexual-assault
Sexual Assault Survivor’s Guide. (n.d.). College of Saint Benedict & Saint John’s University. Retrieved September 07, 2020, from https://www.csbsju.edu/chp/sexual-assault-survivors-guide
Republic Act 9262: Anti-Violence Against Women and Their Children Act of 2004 | Philippine Commission on Women. Retrieved September 14, 2020, from https://pcw.gov.ph/republic-act-9262-anti-violence-against-women-and-their-children-act-of-2004/#:~:text=(a)%20“Violence%20against%20women,her%20child%20whether%20legitimate%20or