Written by: Maia Dapul
Graphic Design by: Chelsea Sagalongos
Trigger Warning: This article includes topics surrounding discrimination, sexism, homophobia, and transphobia. Please read at your own discretion.
Has this ever happened to you?
You’re at a family reunion, greeting your relatives when an older relative made comments on your “skimpy clothes” before you can even say your first hello.
Or, you witness a cousin forcing their child to accept a hug from a distant relative when the child clearly doesn’t want to do so.
Maybe your grandparents ask you about your friends, but they refer to them as “tomboy” or “tranny.” Have your grandparents ever asked you about “yung bakla mong kaibigan, yung mukhang ano….” while looking at you knowingly?
These everyday interactions that make you or others around you uncomfortable are called microaggressions. Microaggressions are hard to spot sometimes because they often present themselves as harmless interactions with people you know and love.
It’s important to educate yourself on how to spot and respond to microaggressions though. Allowing these small acts of aggression to compound over time can have a terrible effect on your mental wellbeing, and on society as a whole (Washington, Birch, & Roberts, 2020).
What is a Microaggression?
A microaggression is a small, casual interaction that is discriminatory towards a certain gender, sexual orientation, age, race, socioeconomic level, religion, or other identity. It comes from unconsciously learned prejudices, like traditional gender roles or racial stereotypes, and is reinforced through seemingly harmless, daily interactions (Sue, 2010).
Microaggressions can be as innocuous as a comment or as overt as a joke. They can even include seemingly inoffensive acts like casually touching someone without asking for their consent (“Almost 2/3 of women,” 2018).
Anyone can commit a microaggression. For example, if you grew up learning that it’s okay to call someone by a slur, then you won’t think anything of it until you’re called out by the offended group.
As long as those small words, acts, or environments are hostile and derogatory towards a specific group, then they count as microaggressions, no matter how innocent they seem to be (Washington, Birch, & Roberts, 2020).
How Can I Spot a Microaggression?
Let’s say someone casually says or does something that makes you or others around you uncomfortable. Maybe you’re not sure if that small act of theirs was derogatory at all. Because of the small and casual nature of the microaggression, it can be hard to identify. To figure out if that act was a microaggression, you can ask yourself the following questions (Yoon, 2020):
Who is this person to me?
What was the context of that act?
What message is this person sending?
Is that message harmful to me or others?
If you come to the conclusion that the act was harmful, then the person committed a microaggression. Context is important though; your relationship with the person will help you discern how to respond to this harmful act in a safe but effective manner.
How Do I Respond (Safely)?
When it comes to responding to microaggressions, your safety is the number one priority.
No matter how much you want to address the aggression at hand, you need to prioritize your safety and the safety of the offended parties too.
You can assess your situation by asking yourself the following questions (Yoon, 2020):
Is my physical safety in danger if I respond?
Will this lead to an argument with the aggressor if I respond?
Will this negatively affect my relationship with the aggressor if I respond?
If you answered “yes” to the questions, especially the first one, then maybe it isn’t the time for you to address the microaggression out loud. If you’re not in a safe position to point it out, it’s okay! Don’t pressure yourself to respond to the situation. Instead, empower yourself to respond to microaggressions when you know you can safely dialogue with the opposite party.
But what if you’re in a safe space where you can dialogue with the offending party? What if you don’t want to convey that you agree with their harmful behavior? Then, you can respond to that microaggression in any of the following ways (Ward, 2020; Yoon, 2020):
Address it calmly, but out loud. If you’re in a position where you can be direct, calmly tell the person “That statement/act was inappropriate.” Then, explain why the microaggression was offensive and let them ask you for clarifications too.
Ask a question to highlight the problematic act. The less direct but equally effective response is to ask the person why they committed that microaggression in the first place. Ask them “Why did you find that funny?” when they crack a sex joke. Prompt them with “Could you explain what you meant by that?” when they say a casual slur. This will open up a conversation where you can explain to them why their act was harmful.
Identify their intent out loud and compare it with their impact. To put it simply, tell the person “I understand that you didn’t know this, but when you did/said this, it was hurtful/harmful because…” Then, explain to them why their behavior was problematic.
Share your thought process. You can say “I noticed how you did/said this. I used to do/say that, but then I learned…” to empathize with their struggle and start their journey towards improvement.
These aren’t the only responses you can make. Microaggressions come in all shapes and sizes, and your response will really depend on your context. Sometimes, the best response is not to respond at all, especially if you’re in a potentially dangerous situation with the aggressor.
What matters is that you take time to openly dialogue with the other person. It’s okay if you have to explain that the conversation will be uncomfortable. It’s okay if the other person doesn’t understand everything at first.
As long as you invite them to an open conversation about their microaggression, you can get to the root of the issue together. Empathize with their context and walk alongside them so that both of you can come out of the conversation as better, more knowledgeable people in the long run.
References:
Almost 2/3 of women face everyday sexism and racism at work. (2018). Retrieved November 24, 2020, from https://leanin.org/women-in-the-workplace-report-2018/everyday-discrimination-microaggressions
Sue, D. W. (2010). Microaggressions in everyday life: Race, gender and sexual orientation. Hoboken, NJ: John Wiley & Sons.
Ward, M. (2020, June 17). Memorize these scripts so you can call out microaggressions at work and support your colleagues. Retrieved from https://www.businessinsider.com/what-to-say-microaggression-against-your-colleague-at-work-2020-6
Washington, E. F., Birch, A. H., & Roberts, L. M. (2020, July 03). When and How to Respond to Microaggressions. Retrieved from https://hbr.org/2020/07/when-and-how-to-respond-to-microaggressions
Yoon, H. (2020, March 03). How to Respond to Microaggressions. Retrieved from https://www.nytimes.com/2020/03/03/smarter-living/how-to-respond-to-microaggressions.html